No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
