I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
