tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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