I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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