i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
