Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
