Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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