I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
