So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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