Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
barbara walters just said penis...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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