According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
