I wish I could punch you in the face.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
