Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
