Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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