its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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