Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
