I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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