so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
