i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
