Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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