True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
