do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
