I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
