last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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