Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
