thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize