He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
