he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
