Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
