dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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