so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
