i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
