You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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