I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
