Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
