oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
