Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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