some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
