i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize