remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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