So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
