come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ladies don't puke and tell
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
