and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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