Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Shame is for Republicans.
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