i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
