i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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