This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
