i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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