life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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