I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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