I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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