We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
