We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
