i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
