hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
handjob tips. give me some.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
