i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
