I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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