oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
