So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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