marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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