U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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