so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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