she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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