Can i not drive my cunt home
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
