so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
