I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
