there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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