i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
