Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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