i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
