Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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