i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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