Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
