You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
