My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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