I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
