in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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