i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize